Front Porch Postum

Up and Running

2011-12-22T09:21:00.001-05:00

After a long hiatus, I've restarted my blog at a new location:

http://frontporchgirl.tumblr.com/

No promises, but I'm hoping to get back into it again with a fresh start.

Confessional

2011-09-20T19:20:00.002-05:00

Ezra has the same first grade teacher that Irene had. The other day, Mr. Knepp met my eyes and said, "Well, he's certainly not his sister."

Irene sat quietly through first grade and did everything she was supposed to do. She scored high and made a very best friend, with whom she giggled on recess.

Ezra is a very smart kid as well. But if he doesn't feel like coloring he'll just scribble to get it done fast or he weighs the consequences and chooses to make jokes in the back of the room.

I love both of these children dearly but it's just so cool the that they are so different.

Every night when I tuck them into bed, Irene tells me about what she's going to do the next day and looks at her weather clock to figure out the right kind of outfit.

When you say good night to Ez, he gives you a crazy embarrassed grin and starts confessing things from his day.

Here's the way it went tonight:

Ez: Mom, Chazz says that he doesn't like me.
Me: Well make a crazy face and tell Chazz that you really like him.

He thought that was hilarious.

Then. I could tell the Chazz story was a lead in to something bigger.

Ez: Mom, today in gym class my teacher got mad at me for showing Michael how to make arm and leg farts.

There wasn't much need to explain my disappointment here because by the look on his face, I knew he knew it wasn't such a good idea. He looked relieved to have told me and I told him how happy I was that he shares with me. We hugged and I left his room feeling even more in love with that kid.

In Good Hands

2011-06-10T14:01:00.003-05:00

Sending your children to school every day takes a lot of trust.

I choose to stay home with our kids to guide them and raise them. But once they go to school, you realize that they spend a huge bulk of their time with someone else.

Thankfully, we've scored some pretty awesome teachers so far. I was reminded of this as I watched Irene's teacher's eyes well up with tears on the last day.

We are so grateful that Irene and Ezra were both in such loving, good hands.

Carrot Chop

2011-06-04T14:21:00.002-05:00

I rarely get Ezra to want to help with cooking. But when he does, it's with gusto.

He loves peeling and chopping carrots.

I have to step back and stop myself from squashing his enthusiasm. Clearly, it becomes an enormous mess. But along with that, he gains some enormous confidence.

An Apology

2011-05-21T21:39:00.000-05:00

Ezra's a pretty sweet kid at school. However, the other day his teacher emailed me and told me that he got a "yellow light" for trying to make people laugh by smacking another friend on the butt. Apparently that's not cool in school.

When he got home I asked him about his day and he acted like nothing had happened. I tried to give him some time to open up to me but he clearly wanted to hide it. Finally after my pressing he burst into tears and just sobbed in my arms for about 30 minutes.

I held him and assured him that I loved him and that I loved that he was funny but that we needed to keep some funniness at home.

Then I had him write a letter to his teacher apologizing. Definitely one of those moments that in a weird way makes you love your kid even more.

Irene's Paper Flowers

2011-05-21T20:21:00.003-05:00

In the bleak midwinter, I was craving some signs of life.

Desperately, I flung open the front door and darted back into our woods and found some broken branches that just seemed to whisper potential.

I got an idea to make some paper flowers and was about to do it when Irene came along and completely took over the craft. I wasn't sure at first if she could pull off my vision but she totally got into it and with each little blossom my heart seemed to leap.

The photo is quite terrible. You'll have to trust me that they're quite exquisite.

Back in time

2011-05-21T20:20:00.003-05:00

I love writing and reflecting on life around here. I have not been making time for it. This is more for me but if you are one of my few readers, forgive the huge leap back in time. I'm going back through photos and trying to record some history before it's long forgotten.

May Fete

2011-05-20T14:32:00.002-05:00

Each May, our school has a big carnival. It's all kinds of terrible and awesome rolled into one big day.

Thankfully, the sun came out from long hiding and we were able to slop through muddy hay without even carrying an umbrella.

Unfortunately, Irene wasn't feeling well. Ezra was very into winning tickets that could buy you useless garbage. But guess who enjoyed it the most...no big surprise...crazy Tobias.

If he had his way, we would have stayed and ridden every gross and rickety ride until the sun set.

So glad he chose to ride the toothy monkey, perfectly appropriate.

Patience

2011-05-16T20:05:00.003-05:00

People that know me well know that I have little patience.

This rhubarb is here to show all those people that I have grown a bit in this department.

Two years ago, I decided I wanted rhubarb but knew that I wouldn't be able to harvest it for a long time. So, two gardening seasons passed where I watered this guy and watched him grow. I was very tempted to snap a stalk but I let him be.

This was my year to harvest and whooo hooooo. He is delicious.

Ezra and I celebrated our first crop by making a strawberry rhubarb crisp that knocked my socks off. And while I'm at my goo goo fest, can I just say that the stalks of this plant are simply magical. They have a shiny, almost shimmery red that no car could ever replicate. Downright heavenly.

Car Wash

2011-03-13T19:35:00.002-05:00

Pyrex car wash saves mom's sanity on a dark, snowy March day.

Our Sap Tap

2011-03-13T19:29:00.003-05:00

We've enjoyed a couple of months of maple syrup from our own front yard! It's the easiest thing ever. I was always intimidated by it but was inspired by a neighbor and got enough guts to do it. In those bleak mid February days it was one of the few things that stopped our whining.

Anyhow, we finally pulled the tap out yesterday. I'm sorta sad to see it go but honestly, it's departure is a sign that spring is definitely right around the corner.

Daddy Dadughter Dance

2011-03-11T16:17:00.003-05:00

It doesn't get much better for Irene than spending a special night with her dad and her best friend.

Our community's Daddy Daughter Dance is an amazing little event, making the girls feel so special and encouraging them to love being with their dad. In Irene's case, she doesn't need any coaxing to love Ben. She jumps when he walks through the door every day.

And, if you're wondering what's up with the matching dresses....It just so happens that Irene and her best bud share lots in common...even their wardrobe. Lots of giggling happens when you find out you have the same dress as your best friend.

Always Doodling

2011-03-11T15:59:00.002-05:00

Tobias loves to draw. He sits and doodles all the time. This is something I remember fondly about my childhood. If I had a paper and a pencil there were endless possibilities. I love that he feels the same way.

His Way

2011-02-24T13:51:00.003-05:00

Ezra has VERY strong opinions.

I pick out his clothes at night and he meets me at the breakfast table in the morning with something entirely different on.

If you give him a spoon with his cereal that he doesn't like. He goes and gets another.

All winter long he has insisted on only wearing ankle socks and letting his legs breathe crisp winter winds.

We have lots of little battles but honestly I'm just worn out and have sort have decided that there are bigger things to deal with in a day. Who decided that stuff mattered anywday? So, Ezra goes to school looking like I'm not exactly sure what.

But of all his ideas, the one he feels most strongly about is his hairstyle. Irene could give a hoot about her hair. It hangs in strands with cream cheese dangling. But Ezra, he cares about his hair. I'm not allowed to comb it, he likes it pushed down in front with no forehead showing. And he wants it to keep growing long. Scraggly pieces hang over his ears. They are almost cool looking but not quite. He definitely has my thick hair genes and it grows like a big mushroom if left alone.

I think some of the other moms at school wonder why I never brush his hair or why he wears pants with a big hole in the knee. From outward appearances it looks like Ezra comes from a house of neglect but what I've learned is that when I find myself making similar judgements I just need to realize that behind kids that look like that are often really awesome moms who care about the important things in life :)

Huh?

2011-02-24T13:48:00.004-05:00

It's 4:45 p.m. and all three children are happily playing a game together.

What planet am I on?

The Great Ear Piercing

2011-02-20T14:23:00.004-05:00

Raising a daughter is a delicate dance. You want them to feel beautiful but not too wrapped up in outward appearances. You want them to have every opportunity yet you want to encourage their gifts.

At times it's a little overwhelming. And to be honest, every day with Irene is a learning experience.

Ben and I had discussed ear piercing awhile ago and decided that when she brought it up we'd be cool with it. And sure enough, after Christmas it was a question posed at least once a day. Friends at school started getting it done and she had seen panda earrings that melted her heart.

Part of me wanted to make her wait. I just wanted her to not care about what she looked like at all. And come on, she's still my bright eyed baby girl. But eight year olds are good at reminding you that they are quite independent little creatures. Those baby days were some time ago and whether we like it or not we've entered some kind of other world.

We also didn't want Irene to feel like we were weird about her growing up. We didn't want her to feel like she had to hide this kind of desire. So, we agreed. Of course, I couldn't help but research good ear piercing and found out how awful it can be. But I pushed all that mom fear away and took her hand and marched right into Claire's.

Without hesitation she climbed up into the big chair and looked very tall and proud. I had to take my coat off as nervous sweat dripped down my back. But Irene grinned and didn't flinch as each little earring went in.

It all went a little quick for me. This was one of those moments I had been waiting for and before I knew it, in a blink it was over.

Even though she looks a little more grown up, she still wears ketchup on her face and forgets to flush the toilet, so I still have some time before my baby's really gone.

My Monkey

2011-02-15T19:42:00.005-05:00

There's lots of bonuses to being a third kid, like early exposure to inappropriate things like Star Wars and fart jokes. But he's also missed out on that special attention moms give firstborns. Everywhere he goes, his brother and sister have already been and show him the way.

Sometimes he just wants to feel like he's blazing the path.

So, this morning I took him to the Zoo all by himself and tried my hardest to act like I'd never seen the stuff before and put on fresh glasses, the kind you have when you first become a mom.

We had an amazing time. We talked, I watched him be thrilled by things we usually whiz by, and we moved at his pace.

My favorite part was our visit to the Bonobos. They never disapoint. But today, the two baby boys came right up to us and made faces and really played with Tobias through the glass. We sat there for about 15 minutes and laughed and laughed.

Just when life gets overwhelming, a morning like this is given to me and my tank gets refilled.

A Christmas Wish

2010-12-22T17:54:00.002-05:00

I was headed to the grocery last night and had the following conversation:

ME: Do you want anything in particular or special to eat over Christmas?

IRENE: Mom, would you please buy us white bread?

ME: Irene, white bread just isn't good for you.

IRENE: But, Mom, It's Christmas.

Okay, this was one of those conversations that made me realize how crazy I am. I bought the poor girl some white bread.

Christmas Photo

2010-12-13T16:23:00.003-05:00

It's mid December and I have no recent good photos of my children.

Anytime I think about it, it's dark, a child is at school, whatever, it's just not working out.

Today after school and before basketball I tried to get them all to change into something decent, not matchy matchy but not stained and chewed on. They protested. So, I shoved them all on the couch.

This was what I got. Dare me to send this out? I just might.

Lego Orchestra

2010-12-13T16:21:00.003-05:00

Ezra told me that he had a surprise for me and made me close my eyes.

This is what he unveiled.

A Lego Orchestra, complete with conductor. This made my heart sing.

Boy Time

2010-12-12T07:50:00.002-05:00

Ezra sleeps with a Lego magazine. He begs for things that we can't afford.

Well, anything is possible when you have a cool dad. During special guy time the other day Ben convinced Ezra that they could build anything, even the ATAT Walker. Ezra was skeptical but in the end felt like the richest boy in the world.

One of those moments

2010-11-25T06:13:00.002-05:00

This was way back in October...

Our friends, the Duvalls invite many friends up to their beautiful farm every year for a big day of fun, food, and community.

It's always a good time.

This year, Ben was out of town, so I brought my mom and dad with me. It was an unusually warm day, completely gorgeous. We romped around the farm and soaked in some of the peace it gives.

I had one of those moments of wanting to freeze time when Tobias discovered milk weed pods. It's one of those simple natural gifts that often gets overlooked, but they are amazing! Sometimes it takes a two year old's look of wonder to remind you to appreciate something.

And if it couldn't get any better than that, my dad hoisted Tobias up on his shoulders. Both Tobias and my dad looked proud of that moment and it doesn't get much better for a mom than seeing her son and dad connect in that way.

A Cat That Knows

2010-11-22T05:29:00.003-05:00

Gideon the cat is amazing. He really does act like a dog without all the work.

All three kids adore him but Irene and he especially have a tight bond. He often sleeps with her and follows her around.

Ezra's version of love for Gideon is a little more rough. Gideon puts up with it but is smart enough to know that he can get a softer scratch from Irene.

Recently, Ezra broke down crying telling us that he thinks Gideon loves Irene more. It broke our heart.

We tried to teach Ezra to be a little gentler with him. Even with all of our comforting, he still looked dejected because he knew the truth, the truth was, Irene was the kid of choice for our cat.

It's hard to watch reality like that present in the brain of your five year old. It broke our heart.

Ezra started making incentives in his room. He removed some of his toys and made a little bed for Gideon. I saw him trying to be kinder.

What we didn't expect is that our smart cat picked up on some of this and low and behold, one night we went to turn off Ezra's light and there he was, curled up. He wasn't in Ezra's little cat bed, but had instead made a daring climb to the top bunk to get closer to his buddy.

Thank you, Gideon, this move did more than anything a parent could try to do to mend a sad heart.

Dirt Buddies

2010-11-19T14:24:00.003-05:00

I'll be backtracking in time quite a bit, as I have a ton of moments captured that I don't want to let escape.

Last year a house in our cul-de-sac went empty and we literally prayed that someone with nature loving kids would move in.

Sure enough, the new family has two boys just about Irene and Ezra's age that jive with our family perfectly. It's amazing what having good neighbors has done to us. It makes the stay at home mom WAY saner to have a fun family nearby. I honestly don't know how we survived without them.

We've all nicknamed Ezra and his buddy, Charley "dirt buddies". They can sit and dig the dirt and chat for hours.

There are many times when I feel like the world is becoming a gross and nasty place. But when you step back and watch stuff like this, hope is renewed.

Missing

2010-11-16T20:38:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to figure out when to ever get a moment to sit down. I've sorta come to terms with the fact that it just might not happen for a few more years.

Over the last month I've found myself missing writing. I realize that as I'm washing dishes, changing diapers, I'm often composing stories and thoughts in my head.

My camera is broken and I'm simply worn out but when these doggy days of motherhood are over I know I'll miss them and I'll wish to read the gritty details.

So, I may fail miserably but I'm gonna try to put forth a little more effort here. Even if it's just a documenting a poop joke every now and then.

And what's this image about? My mom brought the kids those scratch art thingies last night and what do you know, all three kids were into it. This photo was taken at the crack of dawn. While the rest of the world sleeps, we craft.

Does anyone want to hear me complaining about sleep again, because I can. Tobias is officially some kind of sleep torturer.

Cincinnati Nature Center

2010-09-29T20:14:00.004-05:00

We're on a hiking kick at our house lately. We just joined the Cincinnati Nature Center and love it.

Happiness for me lately is a crisp fall morning watching my kids travel through the woods with wide eyes. It's so fun to see wonder in a child. I'd even go as far as to say it's contagious.

Lately work has been bananas for Ben and I've been feeling overwhelmed by life as a mom. But it's amazing how quickly that stuff is drowned out by the crunching of leaves underfoot.

Sorting

2010-09-29T20:07:00.002-05:00

Some old containers, acorns, pine cones, beads, and shells made for a surprisingly fun activity for Tobias. He patiently sorted, counted and impressed me with how grown up he's become. I forget that he's capable of this kind of stuff.

Hooray for fun that isn't a plastic toy or strangling the cat.

"Baby"

2010-09-14T19:26:00.002-05:00

Tobias found a spider this morning and carried it around for nearly an hour. He kept calling it "Baby". He used this ultra sweet high pitched voice saying, "Here, Baby, here, Baby".

At one point he even said, "I love you" and tried to kiss it.

I do like bugs and don't mind getting dirty but I'm not a huge fan of spiders. I tried to participate in the spider love as much as I could but I drew the line at kissing it.

Poor Baby lost a few legs during the playdate but in the end managed to hobble away.

Donking

2010-09-06T20:33:00.003-05:00

Sometimes being a good mom looks like reading to your kids. Sometimes it's wiping their butts. And sometimes it's letting them watch television all day so that you can finally really clean the house.

That's what I did last Friday.

I'm trying to get things in order around here. But I find it completely impossible to clean anything with the boys running around undoing everything. I hate letting them watch tv for long but I can't figure out any other way.

It went pretty well until they became bored with Sesame Street and moved onto the tivoed football game. That quickly inspired a game of what they call "Donking".

Donking can be described as putting crazy hats on and the running full speed at each other and slamming your heads together.

Sometimes being a good mom is not freaking out that your kid with a shunt is enjoying a friendly game of Donking.

Hooray for School

2010-09-02T12:22:00.003-05:00

Summer was great. I love having Irene around. She's my ally, the one who likes what I like to do. But let me be honest, this girl is high maintenance. After each activity, she asks me "What's next?". The slower pace of summer got on her nerves. She wanted to learn more, do more.

I'd love to touch on that subject more some other time, as I think kids need to learn to just be.

But school is a wonderful thing for Irene. She simply couldn't wait for it. The first day of school for her is like Christmas morning. I'll admit, I always felt the same way. Just the smell of her school supplies brings back good memories for me. You can call us nerds if you'd like.

Kindergarten!

2010-09-02T12:13:00.002-05:00

After watching his big sister do all the "big kid" stuff, it's finally Ezra's turn.

The night before his first day, he wiggled in bed unable to contain the excitement.

That morning he bound to the breakfast table grinning ear to ear. It felt like overnight he understood the weight and responsibility that it took to function in the real world. Not that he wasn't going to have fun, it was just like he had real work to do now and he was ready.

Backpack on and new sneakers laced up tight the way he likes, he marched to class as a new adventurous chapter of his life begins.

Kick Em Outside

2010-08-20T19:18:00.002-05:00

I'm really bothered lately that my kids drag their feet about going outside. If I had my way we'd spend the entire day out there. More on this later but I'm on a huge kick of fresh air all the time. I don't want my kids growing up inside.

Anyhow, today I kicked them outside with the awful chore of gathering tomatoes.

Quickly they realized how much fun it was and Irene proudly showed me her harvest. I think there's even one in her mouth.

Seeds

2010-08-20T19:06:00.002-05:00

This may sound ridiculous but I never really paid attention or knew that I could gather seeds from my plants and use them next year.

My friend Nikol gave me some Cosmos seeds from her garden a couple of years ago and I've since covered a large patch of my garden with these cheery orange flowers.

Last August I figured out that as the flowers died I could save their seeds and plant again. So, we did and enjoyed a sea of bright little pick me ups every time we pull in the driveway.

How cool that from my friend's garden, mine grew. I've since given some of mine away and the exponential joy and fun that these little seeds have brought is what life is all about.

Irene reminded me that it's time to start gathering seeds again. And though I'm sad to see summer winding down. I love the change that seasons bring. Flowers die but deliver a promise, a seed for another colorful summer ahead.

Therapy

2010-08-19T13:34:00.002-05:00

This lack of sleep thing has me in a funk over here. I can't make it through the afternoon without more coffee and I find myself in a bad mood quickly.

I'm starting to learn a bit more about myself though.... It's about time since I'm in my mid thirties, don't ya think? There are a few things that never fail to put me in a better mood. One is jazz music. Doesn't matter what's going on, but if I remember to pop in some jazz somewhere, worries and anxiety melt. It never fails.

The other is my garden. Sometimes I have to force myself out of my pit to get out there but once I'm tangled in tomato branches I'm surrounded by smells of the earth and even the little bugs out there cheer me up.

This year has been one of learning for me in the garden. Some things have thrived, others died. Right now it's all about tomatoes. We have them in abundance. What's really fun is that we did a wide variety and each seems to have it's own personality. We have big crazy yellow ones that grow in the shape of a C. We have chocolate brown medium sized, which are my favorite. Irene loves the cherries, which she pops in her mouth right off the vine.

Feeling very thankful for my simple tomatoes which have the power to scoop me up even on the darkest of days.

And on another positive note, we've made some strides in the sleep stuff. Tobias is taking naps without me! Hooray. Brighter days ahead.

Swim Lessons

2010-08-13T18:56:00.003-05:00

We are finally finished with four weeks of swim lessons.

There were definitely days when I didn't want to look at my suit anymore or lube up another kid with sunscreen but despite those kind of mom whines, lessons for us were a great way to spend a chunk of the summer. It gave us structure, sunshine, and the kids became great little swimmers.

Ezra went from being afraid to go under to swimming a little freestyle. And Irene can do lap after lap and even learned the butterfly stroke.

Even Mr. Tobias took lessons with his most proud achievement being intentionally drinking a lot of pool water.

Enough Already

2010-08-10T05:45:00.002-05:00

It's 6:45 am. That's a fairly normal time for most people to wake up. But we've been awake for two hours already. I've already had my coffee. Tobias has already watched more television than a pediatrician would recommend. I'm now thinking about lunch.

I know this is a relatively dumb issue in the scheme of life. But gheez right now I'd pay ridiculous amounts of money to get my kid to sleep.

Good thing he's cute.

Big Hike

2010-08-03T07:44:00.003-05:00

We're back from a great vacation. But to be honest, vacation for a mom is still a lot of work. Yes we had fun, but I'm still exhausted.

Here's a photo from one of my favorite moments which was a fairly sweaty hike on a challenging trail. We're trying to get the kids to appreciate the wonder of the woods. The older I get, the more spiritual I find the outdoors.

Even when you spend a night curled up in a toddler bed, it's amazing how healing fresh air can be.

Gobbles

2010-07-16T05:46:00.002-05:00

The older two have been practicing snorkeling for our upcoming vacation. Tobias was getting very jealous.

Thankfully, I remembered that I had these in the basement. He was so excited to have his own "gobbles".

What's On Your Counter?

2010-07-16T05:33:00.004-05:00

The kitchen counter at our house gets wiped down about six times a day.

This isn't because I'm some clean freak, it's because our family is messy. Kids make constant crumbs and if I don't stay on top of it, the little ant parade by our front door will quickly find it's way into the kitchen.

What puts me into a crazy bad mood is the fact that in addition to the normal food stuff the kitchen counter becomes an island of misfit objects.

Where does this stuff come from? And why can't anyone muster the energy to find it's real home.

On any given day it's a different roster of weirdness.

Here's what it was today:
Gum
Peanuts Toothbrush
After Bite
Random Puzzle Piece
Pirate Telescope
Cosmos Seeds
Old Reds Ticket
Playmobil Boy with Suspenders
Broken Chinese Teacup
Wyoming Student Directory
Bubbles
A Cat
Rectal Thermometer
Part of a Plastic Snowman
Bleach
Greek Yogurt Container Filled with Rubber Bands

Okay, this wasn't even a complete list, but it gives you the idea.

Desperate

2010-07-09T09:45:00.003-05:00

Tobias and I are desperate for sleep.

The little dude requires me to lay with him for a nap which doesn't go well with the other two who can't be ignored for two hours. Lately I just give up, the result is sometimes a nap in the car. This photo depicts a time that I was so desperate that I just left the car running and sat on the front porch and watched the car for two hours. I'll take whatever I can get.

Nighttime is another wild animal. He's getting up several times wanting us near. We try to remind ourselves that it's not forever but we're all going a little nuts over here.

Fossil Hunt

2010-07-05T20:55:00.003-05:00

Last Thursday we joined Wendy's gang and other great moms and kids for a big Fossil Hunt near Brookville Lake.

It was an especially fun time. We treated it like a big adventure, left the house at breakfast time and drove about an hour through breathtakingly beautiful farmland with tall green rows of corn and a crystal blue sky.

A professor from the Miami University Geology Museum taught the kids about crazy stuff like brachiopods and led us on a memorable dig. He could not have been any more enthusiastic or patient with the kids. They asked him lots of questions about the same thing over and over and each time he responded with excitement like it was Christmas morning. It was refreshing to see someone doing what they love and I think it was refreshing for him to see little minds eager to soak it in.

With Tobias in one arm, my photos were limited. I guess what's important is what's etched in their brains. Ezra deemed it the 'best day ever'.

When we got home the kids spent another hour or so sifting through their finds and carefully washing them off.

Hooray for people that care about showing kids the world. It's so much fun out there!

Gideon Mao

2010-06-26T06:12:00.004-05:00

Meet the newest member of the Nicholson family.

His name is Gideon Mao. Irene and Ezra named him all by themselves :) Ben and I were rooting for the name David Crosby but were out voted. They love the story of Gideon and Mao is Chinese for cat. I think he's growing into the name.

Irene has been begging us for a "real" pet for a good year. After lots of long hard discussions about it, we decided that adopting a young cat would be a good move for our family.

It was very clear from the moment we met Gideon that he was perfect for us. He is extremely social, puts up with Tobias. He pretty much acts like a dog, just without the responsibility.

Ben and I think too hard about decisions like this. So glad we finally pulled the trigger. He's making all of smile.

His Own Glove

2010-06-26T05:57:00.002-05:00

For the past few months Ezra has been obsessed with baseball. Tobias desperately wants to be like Ez, so for the past few months, he has been trying to steal Ezra's glove. Every day it turns into tears.

We had a little family celebration for Tobias's birthday last night where he finally got his very own glove. He wouldn't take it off all night.

Crazy Chinese Cat Woman

2010-06-26T05:52:00.002-05:00

A friend gave Irene this Chinese cat hat knowing how much she loves China. As you can see, it was a hit.

How Did This Happen?

2010-06-22T20:37:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, our baby turned two!

As you can see, he's quite the little man. This guy is a total riot. From morning to night he cracks me up. He pushes every limit all while grinning ear to ear.

To be completely honest, Tobias's birth was really hard. Without going into much detail, it was a very difficult labor and even the time in the hospital was rough. Once we got him home, we only had a few weeks with him before we learned of his hydrocephalus. In a lot of ways I really felt robbed of any kind of normal infancy with him. I sort of felt like while other moms would be sending out cheery birth announcements we were huddled under a dark cloud trying to hang on.

I can't really tell you when the cloud started to lift. But it did. Tobias wasn't going to settle for sadness or bitterness. He wouldn't let me sulk anymore. He just started being himself, flooding light into our house and returning the joy.

We've been struggling lately with him not wanting to go to bed alone. We've had a bad stretch of no napping and very late bed times. Ben and I have found ourselves getting annoyed, exhausted, and have tried a crying it out boot camp.

I don't really give a darn what books will say about this but with his birthday coming we reflected on how precious time is with these little people and chose to pull him out of bed and let him sit in a big chair and eat popcorn and watch soccer instead.

I know this kid is going to test everything. I'm sure someday he will sleep. Until then, we're going to love the moments we have.

Onto Second Grade

2010-06-03T19:57:00.006-05:00

How did my bright eyed baby girl turn into a second grader? This is just craziness.

Today was the very celebrated last day of school. It was full of fun, sweat, and moments that make me very grateful for our neighborhood.

I realize that we have lots of time left in school and it may not all be peachy but this year was incredible. Irene had a teacher that taught them how to cheer classmates on that struggled. She was taught that learning happens everywhere and often it's not behind a desk. She also learned what it feels like to have a best friend.

Today we walked into give the secretary something and the office was loud, the phone was ringing and I said, "We know you're busy we'll just set it on your desk." Her response was, "That all can wait." She came out from behind her desk and said, "This is what's important, " and gave Irene a big hug.

So thankful for what we've got going on over here.

Five!

2010-05-16T13:13:00.003-05:00

The fact that I'm almost a month late on writing about my special five year old boy is quite telling. Ezra is always having to be patient...waiting to pick up Irene, hearing me say "just a minute" about 100 times a day...the poor little guy's position in this family is sometimes a little frustrating.

But Ezra is my very very special guy who has an incredibly tender heart. Sure he wants my attention, but he's often happy to share. Lately he's been showing Tobias how to play cars. He knows I don't have a hand free at school pick up, so he's taught himself how to pump the swings.

What's been fun and new with Ezra this year is that he's developing friendships. It's during those playtimes that I see and understand who this amazing little guy is. We'll be walking through the neighborhood and people roll down their car window to yell, "Ezra!" Everyone loves him. And sure, he's got those crystal blue eyes and a smile as wide as my arms can stretch, but the real reason everyone loves Ez is because he's caring and he's just plain fun to be around. He puts other people first and has fun doing it.

Lately, Ezra has been perfecting his comedic routine and even tricked me with a fake pile of poo in the bathroom. I love this kid.

One minute he's knee deep in some dinosaur world that he's built, the next he's asking me about why God would make weeds. The other day he told me that he prayed for a wounded bug and that it flew away healed.

As a mom it's a big mix of emotion, I'd like to bottle him up as this sweet boy forever but I know he has wonderful things to offer the world. I'm just happy to have a front row seat.

All of Us

2010-05-11T12:08:00.003-05:00

My sister in law, Rachel, who is an incredible photographer, brought her camera over the other day to capture some photos of the kids for the grandmothers for Mother's Day. This one was unplanned but LOOK! we're all in it.

That very rarely happens. Sure, we all look a little crazy but what do they say...the camera never lies.

Avocado Frog Dip

2010-04-30T12:53:00.004-05:00

Irene spent the first three days of this week home from school sick.

I'm not sure how you're supposed to be when you're sick, but she requires a lot of attention. She needs crafts and books and special tv and her brothers far away.

One of the nights she decided that she had no more good books so she started reading cookbooks in bed (that's my girl). The next morning she announced that she had a recipe to make.

This was her Avocado Frog Dip, from the Mom and Me Cookbook , which she coughed a lot in, so we let her have it all to herself. As she ate it, she exclaimed, "This is the best thing I've ever eaten," and went on and on about how wonderful it was.

It's the time of Irene's life where she's discovering things she really loves to do, I just sit back and root her on but I can't help but get a wee bit extra excited hoping that we may have a little chef on our hands. Even if she's not a chef, just someone else in the house to share the love of grub would be lovely.

Upside Down

2010-04-27T18:16:00.004-05:00

Tobias is a wild man. There's just no other way to describe him. I feel like we had two children and then gave birth to a tiger or something. I knew adding a third kid would be challenging. But Tobias has taken the word challenging to new heights. By the end of the day I feel like I've been driven over by a semi and then had my carcass picked on by carnivorous birds.

What Tobias dishes out in crazy bad extremes he balances with incredibly sweet moments. This kid is sharp as a whip and can charm your pants off. There are moments when I feel like crying and then he sings me a song. Perhaps he's just working me...only time will tell. What I do know is that he's the real deal. This kid is fun and amazing. He's added a fire to our family. And even on days when we get one hour of sleep and our eyeballs are hanging out, his smile still melts me into a puddle.

Last week he managed to catapult himself out of his crib. Now, sleep didn't come easy for Tobias. He was well over a year when Ben and I found any kind of sane rhythm. When other moms boasted of their great nappers I just needed to walk away. But things have been good in that department lately. Until a week ago when my life got turned totally upside down.

After days of complete insanity of Tobias running around his room at 2 am, I finally caved and bought a crib tent. Now he stays in his bed but he does realize that sleep is now an option. And instead of sleeping, he's partying all night. Screaming, talking to Elmo, making Dog Dog dance, and singing the alphabet. It's cute for about 5 minutes and now after 8 days of this madness Ben and I are about to go completely bananas. Sometimes I sleep a few hours on the couch and Ben sleeps on Tobias's floor. When day breaks we shuffle to the coffeemaker and roll tired gazes across the kitchen all while Tobias looks like he's ready to rumble already demanding his juice.

Routine MRI

2010-04-26T11:39:00.002-05:00

It's been almost a year since Tobias has had an MRI.

He's been doing extremely well but it's a routine thing that they have to do with him.

At his age, an MRI requires sedation. Unfortunately, they have to administer that through an IV. All of that is an ordeal you'd hope your kid would never have to deal with.

To be honest, moments like this get hard for us. At Children's Hospital you don't have to look far to see someone in a way worse situation than you. We know we are very blessed. But just the smell of the soap there brings back some hard memories for me.

I realize this photo looks a little grim. He was actually resting peacefully here. I regret not documenting more of his stuff so that he can tell his incredible story to other people. I can't wait until he's old enough to understand what a miraculous boy he is. We have no doubt all of his stuff will get put to good use in giving others hope.

The Past Couple Weeks

2010-04-26T11:17:00.004-05:00

The past couple of weeks have been filled to the brim with sun drenched highs and middle of the night eye poking lows. This photo captures one of the finer moments, my mom's birthday party. And if you know my mom, you know she's very worth celebrating.

I feel like this is the first time I've actually sat in a chair and had a thought to myself in a long time. As I write, I know that at any moment my silence could end, I need to type fast.

On the top of the happiness mountain I found myself at the park down the street watching Irene enjoy tennis while her brothers played with buddies on the slides. I really did make a note of that moment, thinking to myself that I longed for days like this, watching my kids be kids and feeling heat on my shoulders.

Lower points of the past few weeks were dealing with the anxiety of a routine MRI for Tobias and simply being reminded that life is comlicated and painful sometimes. This all topped with Tobias's new ability to jump out of his crib which has led to a chain of sleepless nights at our house.

I know I've written a lot about how being a mom is a rough and tumble sport. When you win you feel glorious but there are many days when you just long to eat sitting down.

Bongo Brothers

2010-04-13T09:55:00.002-05:00

We've been calling the dynamic duo of Ezra and Tobias "The Bongo Brothers", not really sure where it came from but in our house it means, the brothers that are up to mischief.

Tobias follows Ezra around like a little puppy trying to do anything and everything to make Ezra laugh. And it goes both ways. Ezra enjoys the audience and does crazy stuff to get a reaction.

Yeah, it's usually stuff that isn't a good idea. But isn't that what being a kid is all about... finding corners of the house mom can't see you and spitting a pool of water to splash in or piling things high to climb on.

If it's quiet, I know the Bongo Brothers are together devising some wacky fun.

Sometimes they think what they are doing is bad but it's really not. This shot was them hiding under the kitchen table to eat apples. They laughed and laughed because they figured I wouldn't want them under there. I was just thrilled Tobias was eating something for a change, so instead of scolding I snapped a picture.

There He Goes!

2010-04-13T09:45:00.002-05:00

The other day we were talking to Irene about hearing God's voice. It's been an interesting topic at our house recently. Anyhow, she told us that she heard that Ezra was ready to take his training wheels off.

What? He's only four. And really, I'm not ready for another crazy thing to manage in my life. A kid learning to ride can be totally wild and wooly and requires at least one free arm. I don't have that.

Well, while I was gone the other day, Ben took the training wheels off and there he went. Little help required. No looking back.

Easter Eggs

2010-04-08T09:09:00.002-05:00

I think every year, I start to dream up ideas of great egg dyeing procedures. There is the Martha Stewart route, the super all natural dyeing route, hand painting, etc. The possibilities excite me.

Then it becomes clear, every year as well, that my kids just want a simple 99 cent kit with cheesy stickers and that little metal dipper.

This year they wouldn't even let me get a hand in the process. Irene was completely taken with the "magic" crayon. And for the first time, Ezra really got into things as well.

As this mom steps back and wipes the blur of perfection from her eyes, these eggs look downright beautiful.

(And as a side note, do you see this crazy scarf wrist thing Irene invented...totally her idea. I love when she comes up with stuff like this)

New Friend

2010-04-06T13:30:00.002-05:00

After a few bee stings last summer, Ezra has been a little tentative about creatures of the outdoors. He even told me that he doesn't like any kind of bug at all and that he especially didn't like their "buzz". Well, nothing made me happier than seeing him wrangle this friendly guy out of our front garden.

Parky's Farm

2010-04-02T06:27:00.003-05:00

Parky's Farm has always been a favorite place of ours. I know I've written about it before. What's different for me now is that instead of two kids loving it, I have three.

Tobias is all over that place, laughing, talking to animals, and chasing chickens. You're really not supposed to chase those chickens but try explaining that to Tobias who apparently was born with a natural urge to run after the feathery guys.

I'm still at that stage with Tob where my body aches at the end of the day because I never stop. He's up and down and running and doing crazy stuff from morning to night. But to see him starting to have real fun and be one of the gang is super fun.

War

2010-03-26T15:17:00.003-05:00

Ben taught Ezra how to play war recently. He is now obsessed. After lunch every day, he and I have a new tradition. I drink another cup of coffee while we go head to head in a heated card game. I have to admit, I drag my feet about it but once I give in, we have a darn good time.

Worm Hunter

2010-03-17T18:59:00.003-05:00

The past two days, while Tobias has napped, Ezra and I have been getting a much needed dose of sunshine and dirt. I've been prepping our garden, while Ezra hunts for worms.

These big fat earthworms keep his attention for well over an hour. He held a worm festival and also told me that they cuddle.

Tobias's First Real Haircut

2010-03-17T12:25:00.005-05:00

First of all, the subject of this entry may be about a haircut, but a very interesting side story could be Ezra's photography skills. He took all these beautiful photos!

We've always cut Tobias's hair, but it's an awful process. And the result is shabby at best. A few weeks ago, Ez and I discovered this fabulous old school barber shop down the street.

The old barbers have been there since the 60s. The walls are lined with dusty trophies and the clippers have duct tape holding together. All of that may sound grim, but this place is brimming with love and a sweet feeling of the way things ought to be.

Tobias wanted nothing to do with the place when we walked in. Immediately, he threw his body on the pile of hair on the floor and rolled around in protest. These barbers were unphased. I apologized and said I'd leave, but they wouldn't let me.

They encouraged Tobias to flip the switches on the clippers and won him over with buttons and noise. I held him firmly in my lap and let them do their thing, listening to old men talk about nothing important really, but the calm chatter was slow and comforting.

After a few minutes, the scraggly strands of hair that were bothering me, had joined the heap on the floor, and I held a little boy that seemed strangely more grown up.

Daddy Daughter Dance

2010-03-13T06:59:00.002-05:00

I'm way behind on stuff over here. This actually happened weeks ago but totally deserves a mention.

Wyoming's Rec Center does lots of fun stuff. Every February they have a Daddy Daughter Dance for the younger girls in the neighborhood. Being relatively new here I wasn't sure if it would be completely lame but I overheard enough conversations around town to gather that it's treated a bit like a miniature prom. Irene caught wind from friends and started counting the days until the event.

Thankfully, Ben got just as excited. We met at a friends house, took photos, and sent the girls off giggly and sparkly eyed.

Two hours later, Irene returned looking like a girl that had been swept into a fairy tale. She just couldn't get over how much fun she had. Ben said that she danced and danced. And he admitted that even though there were lots of YouTube worthy moments of awkward dads doing the YMCA, it was still incredibly special to have his little girl wanting to be with him.

Garage

2010-03-06T12:26:00.003-05:00

Irene spent the last few weeks fiddling with a nasty dangling front tooth. Her teacher told me that she sucks on bloody tissues at school. Disgusting.

Finally, after lots of drama, she got brave enough to yank it.

Now she has what we've been told is a "garage". Apparently if you are missing one front tooth, it's a "window" but two or more bumps you up to the highly sought after garage.

Taco Night

2010-03-02T20:39:00.003-05:00

Dinner is a touchy subject at our house. As a mom you paint pictures in your head of what dinnertime should look like. And it mostly never does. I'm chalking it up to the age our kids right now. In all reality, they are hungry way before Ben gets home. So, we usually eat in shifts, things get reheated. It never looks pretty.

The only thing I can count on at dinner is that the aftermath is horrendous. Tons of dishes, food on the floor, really, I'm getting in a bad mood just thinking about it.

Last night I had a little meltdown and told the kids that they needed to be more helpful. One too many demands for different condiments put me over the edge.

Tonight, I was cooking up tacos with Tobias at my feet already pulling things from the cabinet making a mess and Irene came into the kitchen and asked if she could help.

Before I knew it, she was setting the table beautifully and even created a raffle for those who came to dine at her fine restaurant.

And what do you know. The entire family sat and ate tacos, passing sour cream, throwing cheese, it really didn't matter, we were a family doing it together. Sure, the clean up was the usual horror. But we were all in better moods. Ezra won the raffle, the prize being an old poetry binder from Irene's closet, which surprisingly pleased him and I won a little sanity.

This actually happened

2010-03-02T20:36:00.002-05:00

One of the mornings this weekend, I stumbled upon this scene. It lasted for a few good moments, at least long enough for a few uninterrupted sips of coffee.

It's Snow Crazy Over Here!

2010-02-16T18:40:00.002-05:00

We love this snow. I'll take this over forty degrees and rainy any day.

Student of the Month

2010-02-13T14:55:00.003-05:00

As we were leaving school on Thursday, Lucas, a boy from Irene's class came flying through the snow yelling, "Congratulations, Irene!"

I had no idea what he was talking about. Shyly, she unzipped her coat and showed me her huge gold medal.

Her fellow students awarded her this for the the virtue of the month, Fairness. I realize that these things can be popularity contests and we don't want to make our kids feel dumb if they don't get one, but in Irene's case, she needs a little confidence every now and then. And even though she's quieter about boasting, she's been wearing it all weekend.

Ice Dig, Again

2010-02-02T13:28:00.003-05:00

Yeah, yeah, I know I've talked about these before. But it's a repeated requested activity over here and and keeps them busy at least through dinner prep. Hooray for that.

Dinosaur Cookies

2010-01-31T13:05:00.002-05:00

Ezra is super into dinosaurs lately. How could I have forgotten about those dino cookie cutters in the basement! These made for one very happy boy.

A Month to Remember

2010-01-25T20:32:00.003-05:00

This tale is all too long and weird to recount all the bizarre details. I'd, at the very least, like to get the gist of it down to give someone a good laugh.

Right after Christmas, Ezra started complaining that it hurt to poop. He was even having a little bleeding. After some investigation, I thought it looked an awful lot like the rare rectal strep that Irene had when she was in preschool. The doctors said no way. After more investigating, we figured out that he had pinworm.

How do you figure that out? Well, you take a flashlight in the dark of the night and probe your kid's butt for threadlike worms that like to come out and wave. What?!!! Yes, I'm dead serious.

Ben marched into our bedroom with an icky look and announced that he saw a worm with his own eyes! This discovery sent us down a path of expensive copays and pills for everyone in the family, you know...to kill any worms that had nested in our bellies. Tobias kept spitting his pills out and my mind just painted pictures of his little belly filled with worms.

By the next week, Ezra's butt was still bleeding. By this time it was New Years and all good doctors were at home drinking champagne. So, we had to go to the hosptial where after lots and lots of money we were told that he just suffered from large poops and needed a laxative.

Meanwhile, I came down with strep. I haven't had strep since grade school. And it seemed really strange that no one else in the family had it. What did I do to deserve this? I had been complaining that I needed a break from the mom routine. But shivering under the blankets wasn't what I had in mind.

A week after my recovery, we had some kind of stomach bug that thankfully only hit a few of us and then Ezra licked enough surfaces at school to lap up a nasty cough that came with a fever and gagging amounts of phlem. Everyone but Irene got that one. The snot alone, choked Tobias and Ezra, causing both of them to throw up. Tobias's moment was a dandy, way up in Columbus, all over the car, and with a long wet, stinky ride home.

Irene mysteriously started complaining that she had a tummy ache. It kept her home from school a couple days and just wouldn't seem to go away. Simultaneously, Ezra's butt started bleeding again. We took him back to the doctor where they checked him out more thoroughly.

And then it came, the phone call that solved everything. "Mrs. Nicholson, It's one of the nurses calling about Ezra....he tested positive for rectal strep."

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry or reach through the phone and strangle someone. My gut told me a month ago that this was what was going on. I wound up taking Irene and Tobias to the doctor to get checked and wouldn't you know...positive for strep. Poor Tobias even had a double ear infection as a cherry on top.

We had been tossing this nasty thing around, it was making each of us sick in weird and new ways but strangely, the kids didn't have the sore throat or fever that typically come with it.

Ezra was the sneaky carrier, and the poor little guy had no clue and couldn't even get the doctors at the hospital to take him seriously.

As for the worms, Ben swears he saw one. Who am I to argue with a confident worm sighting? And it is possible that Ezra had both pinworm and rectal strep. Unlikely, but possible.

I'm really not sure what the moral to this story is. Doctors are human, sometimes wrong. Kids get sick. Sometimes moms go crazy. In the end, we've got an exhausing and expensive tale to cherish forever.

Get in the car, we're getting out of here!

2010-01-25T20:05:00.004-05:00

Have you ever seen another family at the Zoo that looks like they are wearing half pajamas and wonder what's up?

Well, maybe it's because the mom was so freaking sick of being in her house with her sick children that she just started shoving people in the car.

More details soon...

I Win!

2010-01-14T12:17:00.003-05:00

Awful doesn't begin to describe how Tobias has been outside lately. He absolutely refuses any hat or mitten and can figure out how to get them off even if you duct tape them to his body. Then he screams and screams until we all just want to cry as well.

No more! Check out this hot little number called the No Snow Snuggler. The mittens are completely attached and it all fits right under his coat. You know I'm desperate when I shell out $30 for anything but this piece of clothing has changed my life. So worth it.

At first he was completely annoyed with the fact that he couldn't remove the mittens but once he grabbed some snow, he experienced the pure joy that snow has to offer without the pain of hurting hands. He even agreed to leave it on once we got inside for a little fashion show for his brother and sister.

Snow Day

2010-01-11T13:49:00.002-05:00

School was out and fun was in at our house on Thursday.

The gentle slope of our front yard was a fun little neighborhood gathering spot. It was a perfect hill for the kids to do with a mom that had to watch from the window (Tobias didn't last so long). For now, I have to be okay with the role of hot chocolate maker and clothes dryer. Later that night Ben took the kids on a ridiculously steep hill that only crazy dads can do.

Super Ez

2010-01-11T13:43:00.002-05:00

Ezra hasn't really gotten much into superheroes. But his best friend, Sam, invited him to his Batman party.

Ezra got to thinking and figured he's better start practicing.

Crystal Trees

2010-01-06T14:03:00.002-05:00

You are looking at some of the best fun $2.50 can buy. Ben and I snagged these at Toko Kidz, on Ludlow, and gave them to the kids for Christmas.

They were super easy to make and were downright magical to watch grow. They've lasted a couple of glorious weeks on the kitchen table and are now starting to shed some of their neon dust. I keep trying to throw them out but get met with loud cries of objection.

Daffodils

2010-01-05T13:01:00.004-05:00

My mom delivered these much needed daffodils during one of the dark days of my strep throat misery. She's the best.

Happy Flowers + Penicillin = A Much Better Me

Haircut Helpers

2010-01-04T12:36:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was haircut day at our house. Ben, Irene, and Ez were all due. One of the rewards for letting me cut Irene and Ez's hair, was for them to be able to buzz Ben's down.

They thought this was the coolest thing ever.

Tobias even got in on the fun. After he saw what we were doing, he promptly got one of his measuring cups and started scraping it along Ben's scalp imitating the clippers.

Now do we know how to have fun or what?

Venus Fly Trap

2010-01-02T13:42:00.003-05:00

Early in December, I asked Ezra what he wanted to get Ben for Christmas. Immediately, he told me that he wanted to get him a Venus Fly Trap because "I think Dad has lots of flies at work." I knew that Ezra himself wanted a Venus Fly Trap and that's probably where the motivation came from, but still, it was a way better suggestion than a shirt, and there's no stopping a determined Ezra.

I remembered that they had them at Krohn, which as a side note, has a really fun little gift shop. So, we made the trip to Krohn to pick Ben's present out and it was love at first site for Ez. He held it the whole ride home and then sat with it on the couch for awhile. He told me that Daddy needed his present early and refused to wait until Christmas.

The minute Ben walked through the door, Ez presented his gift and he and Ben immediately found YouTube videos of carniverous plants and winced and gnarled their teeth with every spider that fell prey to the jaws of the plants.

To our surprise our little plant has gobbled up a few of those wispy spiders that seem to multiply in our basement bathroom.

If all goes according to Ezra's plan, the plant is going to grow "as big as the Earth."

Reindeer Food

2010-01-02T13:30:00.003-05:00

I really miss writing. My camera broke awhile ago, and without it have been uninspired to write. Every once and while I use Ben's or he snaps a shot. One of my wishes for the new year is to get a new camera and hopefully revamp this blog a bit and actually write more.

This photo was snapped on Christmas Eve. Irene was spreading reindeer food. Ez was there too, somewhere out of the frame, giddy with the anticipation of Christmas, lumping his reindeer food into tall piles.

Christmas Eve felt extra magical this year. Ben and I had that jittery feeling the kids get, the energy in the house was intense. I had trouble sleeping that night just with thoughts of how fun things are at this age.

It's important for me to write this stuff down because I often get swept up into thinking that I've had a lot of bad days but looking back, there was distinct joy happening. As I'm writing this, I'm battling strep throat. And let's just all agree that moms should never get sick. This is on top of our recent bouts of pink eye and pinworm, which may be elaborated at a later date. Until then, I'm scrolling back through photos and picking out stuff that proves that we aren't always sick and we do have lots of fun.

Perfect

2009-12-16T20:14:00.003-05:00

Sunday night was our big neighborhood luminaire community gathering thing.

I had ideas about how this would go down. In my head there was lots of hand holding, carols sung, and hot cocoa smiles. Somewhere during this motherhood thing you'd think I'd learn to lower my expectations a bit.

Things started off famously with a good argument between me and Ben about something I can't even remember now and Irene telling us how horrible it is to stand in a line for a carriage ride.

Something I am starting to learn is that just because something starts off bad doesn't mean that it has to end that way. Once we got there and saw neighbors and friends, the bad mood melted. We scored a horse drawn carriage with loads of buddies from the kid's classes and trotted around the village. Tobias even stayed on my lap! It was downright beautiful.

I'm not sure where these pictures come from that I have in my head of how things should look and feel. They're dumb. Lots of times the way things turn out are totally wonderful in a different direction. I'm learning that we're making our own perfect and sometimes it just may look crazy.

Thankful

2009-11-28T19:27:00.002-05:00

Irene made Tobias this hat and he proudly marched around with it Thanksgiving morning. He's our little walking reminder of all that we have to be thankful for.

Real Kid

2009-11-24T13:46:00.003-05:00

This guy is not so interested in being my little baby anymore.

Seven

2009-11-11T13:38:00.002-05:00

Monday was Irene's seventh birthday.

Motherhood may cause some brain cell loss but I can clearly remember the day she was born.

It's hard to put words to a day when a woman brings another life into the world for the first time. Books and advice can't prepare you for the emotion and responsibility that is born along with that little person. It's miraculous and overwhelming all at once.

Irene came into the world, literally, with her eyes open. She looked at us like she was waiting to learn about the life. Still, seven years later, she greets me at breakfast with a wide eyed optimisim and wonder for each day. She can't wait to see what each day has for her.

I'll confess that on November 9, 2002, I really had no idea what I was doing. And we've sorta been making it up as we go along. You can't really admit to your kid that you're clueless but if you hold their hand and hug them a lot you somehow find your way together.

Ezra's Halloween Parade

2009-11-03T15:18:00.003-05:00

Ezra's preschool does a fun little Halloween parade. I have to admit that I was super excited that he agreed to be a beaver. I mean, come on, how cute is a little four year old beaver boy? Pretty darn stinkin' cute.

Stay tuned for how he quickly figured out that it's cooler to be spider man....

Finally

2009-11-03T15:09:00.003-05:00

Irene has patiently watched her friends lose tooth after tooth. I don't know why it took so long for her to finally lose one, but all that really matters is that she did!

I picked her up from school and she was wearing a special necklace with a tooth inside and a special toothless grin.

Andrew and Meghann

2009-11-03T14:44:00.002-05:00

About once a year we get to see my little brother, Andrew and his girlfriend Meghann. They live in Seattle.

It's so good to have them home. We try to understand that they're off on a great adventure doing cool stuff in a cool city. But when they're here we all get a little mushy. We miss having them around.

Crazy Man

2009-10-22T12:23:00.005-05:00

I haven't written about Tobias in a long time.

Isn't this a fabulous photo of him? The kid doesn't sit still so this is as good as it gets. What I like about this photo is that he looks like a little man here and pretty much anytime I ask him something, he runs away from me and thinks it's hilarious. If you say "No", he just runs quicker. Only yesterday, he decided to walk backwards everywhere so that made him easier to catch.

This little guy makes us smile.

Every day he wakes up and immediately goes to the cd player and says "Dance". So, we have music dance parties at breakfast. When he's finished eating he throws his cup at you. He opens the oven. He turns boxes upside down to climb on top of.

All of this is done with a mischevious grin that just melts your heart. Instead of being mad at him, I just think he's smart. He's outwitting and outplaying me daily.

Yesterday I had to call poison control because he was pumping hand soap into his mouth.

And for those of you who haven't heard, he even broke my nose the other day. Seriously. I cried, he laughed. It was totally accidental. He was lunging towards me for a huge embrace and wham, crack, crunch! Ben even heard the grinding of my bones.

I write this all with a smile on my face. Yeah, I'm worn out. This kid wears me down. I really never stop chasing him around. But you know, I love his pants off and God knows I bore easily, so I'm just thinking that Tobias was designed especially for the kind of shake up we need.

Conversations in the Back Seat

2009-10-14T09:11:00.003-05:00

Irene: Ezzy, what happened at school?

Ezra: Sam was the snack helper with Ainsley today.

Irene: Who's Ainsley?

Ezra: Oh, she's the pretty one that doesn't obey.

Beaver Dams and Love

2009-09-28T19:33:00.003-05:00

Whenever I spend time outside, I feel better.

I'm not sure how we've become such inside dwellers but it's sometimes easy to forget that a whole world exists outside.

When I was a kid we'd play in the backyard for hours. And our kids love being outside but their tendency is to play indoors with legos, etc. I love what nature has to offer the imagination, not to mention what fresh air does to your spirit.

Today, I forced the kids to play in the backyard while I cleaned up the kitchen. Quickly the moaning and groaning turned to fun sounds.

Before I knew it they had worked together to make rafts and beaver dams. This is the kind of stuff I couldn't wait to see when I became a mom.

I asked Irene if I could take her picture, and this was the pose I got. She told me her teacher taught it to her. I asked her if she knew what it meant. She replied, "Love."

Very cool. Perhaps I'll write later about how life has been kinda crappy over here lately, but this was the note it ended on today and I'm catching this wave out.

Ezra's Monarchs

2009-09-14T19:14:00.003-05:00

Irene is our official butterfly lady here. She is constantly finding caterpillars and nurturing them. She even brought about 30 of those gypsy moths to life in her bedroom.

Well the other day while Irene was at school, Ezra and I happened upon a pair of big fat yellow caterpillars in the garden. For once, he could claim them all his own. We didn't know what kind they were at first but quickly found out that they were Monarchs! I chuckled inside because I knew that this would frustrate Irene. She settles on gypsy moths but what she's really wanted were Monarchs.

An hour away my friend Wendy's kids have been loving on their own Monarchs so I gave her a call to ask what kind of food the caterpillars ate. She told me that the only thing they'll eat is milk weed.

In a bit of a panic, Ezra and I searched for milk weed. Thankfully I spotted my garden loving neighbor, Susie, and asked if she knew where I could find any milk weed. She laughed and told us that she had tons in her back yard. Perfect! We snagged a few enormous leaves and the caterpillars thanked us with big gigantic bites. I'm not kidding when I say that we could actually hear them eating. These were hungry, hungry caterpillars.

After two days of feast, Ez's little friends got very quiet and before we knew it were all cuddled in bright green cocoons.

Ezra patiently waited for about two weeks, checking on them, wondering if anything would ever happen. Irene assured us that they were fine and gave us statistics and bits of info from time to time...,"You know when they're almost ready, Ezzy, because their cocoons will become transparent." Ezra listened to her closely because he had seen her success in the world of winged creatures.

And just like she told us, the green started becoming more like a window to the inside. And this morning we could see orange and black inside. The excitement started building. We knew his butterflies were coming soon.

By lunchtime today, one of his butterflies had unfolded it's beautiful wings and within the hour the other had emmerged as well. They were breathtaking. And just as striking was the pride on Ezra's face. Even though the butterflies had done the real hard work, being a four year old boy and waiting for two weeks is tough stuff. And he made it, he did it, and had gained some credit in the world of creature collection here at the Nicholson house.

We gave them some time to let their wings dry and then Ezra beamed a huge smile and watched them fly up into our big maple tree.

Choclately Goodness

2009-08-31T13:19:00.004-05:00

Ez and I made some banana bread this morning. For a twist, we squirted in a layer of Hershey's syrup.

It's always a good sign when chocolate bubbles out of the pan. The result was ooey gooey goodness.

He Walks!

2009-08-30T12:38:00.003-05:00

You hear things about kids that just one day up and walk. For Tobias there was never really an officially start. He would take steps every now and then and then go back to crawling, and then to walking, then to crawling again. It was gradual and undramatic.

This morning I was in the backyard with all three kids and realized that Tobias really is walking everywhere now. I mean, it's his preferred mode of transportation. He can walk across the lawn, change directions, pick up a stick and keep going. So, I declare, "He walks!"

Ezra's Day at the Zoo

2009-08-21T20:30:00.002-05:00

Ezra never gets to go anywhere with me without Irene and Tobias.

The past few weeks have been kinda rough with him. He doesn't want to do anything the rest of us want to do and he has been acting a little agressive towards Tobias, nothing crazy, but we've been watching his behavior escalate a bit. It's hard as a mom when you know your kid needs TLC but you don't have a free arm to give it.

My mother-in-law put it well when she told me that Ezra was born between two dramas. Which is totally true. Irene and Tobias are wonderful but they require a lot of me. Ezra is happy to just play pirates for hours but at some point he gets sad because no one will play with him.

On Friday after Irene was in school, Marie watched Tobias and Ezra and I went to the Zoo all by ourselves. It was super sweet. We didn't need a stroller so we got to experience the place in a different way. We only went and saw things he likes. So we spent a good deal of time in the Reptile House and the Insect House. Tobias is usually bonkers in both those places. We took our time inspecting gross creatures and loved every second of it. We talked a lot and even got to do the carousel. Unfortunately someone already had claimed the shark, so Ezra's second choice was the hummingbird. :)

I love this kid more than words can express.

First Grade

2009-08-21T13:17:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Irene started First Grade!

When she went to kindergarten it was hard but for some reason it was this year that made me cry. Maybe it's that she's there all day. I left her wondering how she'd do in the cafeteria, making friends at recess, and I think mostly the tears were just me being proud of what she's becoming.

Anyhow, she did great. She scored the teacher that everyone says is CRAZY. But I think crazy good. He, yes, he, apparently throws things climbs on things and will do the unexpected to get his point across. I wasn't sure how she's take him, but she couldn't wait to go back this morning so I'm thinking it's all good.

And as much as I LOVE love love Irene, I must say that the house stays much tidier without her and Ezra's behavior improves the minute she's gone. :)

Vacation

2009-08-14T05:48:00.003-05:00

This is gonna sound awful but I've come to set my expectations low when it comes to fun things. Last week we were on vacation in Grand Haven, Michigan. Leading up to it I tried to not expect the worst but still a part of me expected something to get in the way of fun. Plus, I was clouded by haunting thoughts of where we were this time last year...the ICU.

Ha!

We had a great time. The entire week was a blast, relaxing, more than I could have ever expected. Several times I sat on the beach reading my gourmet food magazines while all three kids played happily. I had to pinch myself. Was I living in a dream?

I'll post some more photos. I have lots of sorting to do but just wanted to say that we're back, we're happy, and great memories were made.

Irene's Perfect Carrot

2009-07-28T20:28:00.002-05:00

We planted our carrot seeds months ago and the kids have been very patiently waiting to pull them. I have to confess that a couple weeks ago I couldn't take it anymore and yanked one from the soil. It wasn't ready and Ben looked at me with big eyes.

It's no secret that I'm not patient. But these carrots, come on.

Finally, today I noticed that a couple of them looked pretty darn good. Ben wasn't around to talk me out of it, so I excitedly told the kids that they could each pull one.

This was like Christmas, just in the garden. Little presents hid in the dirt. Irene instantly found the one she wanted to pull. And it was a dandy! She yelped and squealed and announced to the whole neighborhood that she had "the perfect carrot."

Ezra was already annoyed with Irene's boasting and started grumbling as he chose his. Sure enough, we pull his and it looked like a weird orange glob. He said it looked like a hand, and it sorta did. But what it didn't look like was a carrot. He was very sad and Irene continued to dance around the front yard talking about her perfect carrot.

I tried to tell Ezra that there was no such thing as a perfect carrot and that his was special and all of that. But he decided to chuck his on the pavement, breaking a big piece off and then stormed inside to find solace in Legos.

It was clearly a battle not worth fighting. I just kinda let things be.

Irene continued, washed her perfect carrot, peeled her perfect carrot, and finally devoured her perfect carrot, and told me how sweet it was.

Big Stuff

2009-07-21T20:09:00.003-05:00

Irene has taken baths with Ezra since he was able. They love it. In the back of my mind I have started wondering about when to have them bathe separately. I don't want my kids to feel like they have to hide themselves, but I'm not sure that private parts should be talking to each other either :)

Anyhow, I've heard that a bunch of her peers are showering by themselves. We're sorta behind on that kind of stuff. I like the fact that she's happy to be little and still finds Curious George amusing.

I'm trying to let her stretch her legs a bit. So I asked her if she'd like showering all on her own while I cleaned up dishes. Her eyes lit up and she immediately started getting fussy about what she needed. She needed a clean wash cloth and didn't want the towel that was already in the bathroom. I swear, her voice sounded more grown up.

After a good ten minutes I asked how it was going and she hollered out that she needed conditioner, something we rarely use on her. It was at this moment that I knew I had unleashed some kind of girly creature.

I had trouble washing my pots because I was getting images of Irene in high school and Irene fussing over hair and Irene not letting her brothers in to pee because they're gross.

What had I done? Had I lost my little girl?

I know that she's definitely growing up but I was comforted by the image of her brushing her teeth. She thought she was all big stuff because I gave her a towel turban, but just look at that light up toothbrush, she's still my little ladybug and aint nothin gonna change that.

Reasons to smile

2009-07-15T14:00:00.003-05:00

I'm going to try to reflect more on things that bring me joy. Here are a few things today that caused me to smile:

This fresh cut bouquet of flowers from my very own yard.

The swing channel on Pandora. I mean, really it melts any icky thought away.

Watching Irene and Ezra play like I used to at a park.

Amazing

2009-07-14T15:05:00.003-05:00

The plants in our garden have been climbing the fence.

I'm amazed by how this works. I know I've seen this before but it's one of those things that if you take more than a second to pay attention to, it sorta blows your mind.

We Made It

2009-07-08T20:32:00.004-05:00

Words can't express the love we've felt this past year.

We threw a party to celebrate us all making it. Here were just a few slivers of that great afternoon.

One

2009-07-08T18:48:00.003-05:00

We were really excited to celebrate Tob's first year. We threw a big bash including a lot of the people that kept us sane this past year...photos on that to come.

Since we knew that party would be a little wild, Irene and Ez wanted to have a small cake party with just our family. They demanded that it be a monkey party and that I make a banana cake.

So, I got my friend Karyn's awesome banana cake recipe and made it from scratch.

We lit the candle, sang, and presented him with a luscious piece with lots of extra cream cheese frosting.

His response was sheer disgust and horror. Case in point that first birthdays are really all about the parents.